happiness is...

looking at these pictures.


And then baby girl had her first double pigtails later that day


This one, of course, just makes me laugh.


And this is the airplane injury. Sigh. It is looking better. Notice the glue on the face. yuck.

You know you're a mother when....

You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

Your kid throws up and you catch it.

Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.

You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

You always go to the bathroom with a "friend"

You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.

You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

You hate the thought of his wife even more.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.

You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.

You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.

taken from www.kidsgrowth.com

I'm rich

I was in a focus group for LeapFrog today. I'm $100 richer! yes!

idolatry

I went to check out a new church this morning. I'd wanted to go for a while but felt like it was a little too far from our house to make me want to go there every Sunday. I'd also heard some things I wasn't too excited about to have in a church. However, I had received a good recommendation from a friend (with a 2 1/2 year old, so it actually held weight for me) and we went over to check it out.

Cons:

• 9am start time
• a little far
• not sure about the whole singing-worship part of the morning
• not sure about the kid program for my older kiddo

Pros:

• it's a church
• i can dump both my kids off somewhere for the entire 1 1/2 hours ~ what a dream
• today's sermon was pretty good, hopefully this is a pattern
• i already know a few people that go there
• it seems more multi-dimensional than some of the other places i've visited

This morning the sermon was from Isaiah 2. I have a really hard time paying attention these days to most sermons, and besides I missed the first part of it because my boy needed some assistance... but when he started talking about The Day of The Lord and especially the part about idolatry (verses 6 and following), I couldn't take notes fast enough (writing seems to be the only way I process anything these days). Here are some of my notes. I'm still processing.

• Idolatry: worshipping what I make
• It is the root of most sins; most of my other messes I make for myself (aka sins) are fruits of the sin of idolatry
• I am made to worship God; this gives Him great glory and me great joy
• HOWEVER I am a sinner and a worshiper, which often means I worship the creation rather than the Creator (see Romans 1)
• Opposite of Christianity is not atheism, it is Idolatry (Ps. 115)
  
• We become enslaved to what we love

Now this is the part that really got me thinking:

• I worship my idol that "saves" me from my self-described hell
• examples of this (there were many given):
  
• singleness is your "self-described hell" so you worship marriage
• childlessness is your "self-described hell" so you worship children
• you get the idea.....
• How can you determine what you worship? Think about these questions:
• What's my greatest fear?
• What do I long for the most? What motivates me the most?
• What do I run to when I've had a bad day?
• What frustrates me the most?
• What makes me mad?
• Someone cuts you off on the freeway and you flip them off because you have been disrespected... do you idolize being respected?
  
• What makes me the happiest?
• How do I explain myself and who I am?
• "I live in this neighborhood so I'm special and you're not because you don't live here"
• What am I mad at God about?
• What do I want to have more than anything else?
• If I could change one thing in my life, what would it be?
• Whose approval am I seeking?

We take blessings from God and elevate them to "Savior" status, worshiping creation, not the Creator. This leaves us disappointed, jaded, and depressed, so we create "RELIGION." But it's not religion that will save us, it's Jesus. Hope in Jesus breaks me free from the grip of sin...

God will redeem our idols if we give them to Him; He desires that we live life fully and abundantly. This is what happens when idols are removed from our lives and returned to their proper place.

Ok, this is a kind of lame post meant mostly to help me remember this stuff... but I wanted to think through this all a second time. I immediately had some idols come to mind this morning and although I recognize them, it's hard to move forward through them. I realized that I am comfortable with them and how they fit in my life; how they help me manage and "deal" with my life. I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict but I might as well be. If I am to remove them to their rightful place (with the help of God, surely I cannot do it on my own), what would replace them? I think that is the difficult part for me. I fear the unknown.

cold, hard, [sucky] facts

You may have guessed from the title there that this is going to be more of a downer post. Just giving you fair warning to click away, fair reader.

"It all" gathered up steam recently over a situation with my baby calla lilies. I love calla lilies. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, here's a look.



These are definitely my favorite flowers. Completely unscientifically, I believe that of all flowers, these have the highest percentage of consistently perfect flowers. They aren't perfect when the bugs eat them or they are dying (no surprises here) but otherwise... perfect. Anyhow. My point is, I like them.

I obtained some free calla bulbs. I have a few pots outside, so I planted them to see what would happen. One day I noticed the very small beginning of something like this (you know I'm stealing all these photos from the internet):



I was extremely happy. Wow! I couldn't believe any of those things were actually growing! There were two tiny little green things poking out their shy little heads from the black, moist dirt and I couldn't have been happier.

Four or five days later I came home, laden with bags and all sorts of junk which should be illegal to haul around just because you are a Pack Mule Mom, and two kids (yes, the two that belong to me). While I was detained by a pack of three outside my door requiring the usual unpleasantries and attention, my Baby Monster Girl ripped off the two tiny budding leaves from that beautiful moist soil. She left the jagged stem and torn leaves for me. How nice.

At that moment I wasn't even mad; I was overtaken by a grief-filled resignation. Not crying grief, but the this-is-my-life grief. I felt like it was a (admittedly negative) representation of my life as a wife and mom. Kids are beautiful, sweet, smelly, and messy... Your life and some of your favorite things are turned upside down and ripped apart when you have kids and yet you smile and carry on. I'm just not so sure about this. It hit me even more when I was reading a younger, unmarried friends' facebook page today. Her section on future goals included these:

write a book.
go to Israel.
backpack through the wilderness.
own a grand piano.
live in another country.
have an art studio.
teach English in a foreign country.
tour the world on a yacht.
speak another language fluently.
live in the middle of a big city.
own a car with a sunroof.
live in a house with a porch swing.
to see the Taj Mahal.

Do I have any goals left in me? I'm happy if I show up somewhere bathed and on time these days. All that I knew to be "me" is no longer and it really makes me wonder about these other moms out there. How can you be so flippin' happy to make three organic, home cooked meals from scratch every day; play with your precious babies; do the laundry; and be you? I'm a do-er, a go-er. I've already corrupted my 3 1/2 year old. If he doesn't ask me before bed about the next day, he asks me the minute I come in for him in the morning -- before he's even out of bed "Mommy where are we going now?" Is the best I have the promise of yet another trip to the zoo? Another job sweeping the porch or moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer? Another walk to the grocery store?

I hear you saying I'm molding and shaping these precious little lives to be productive contributors to society. I find it more humorous the farther along I get in this whole child-raising thing that I'm supposed to be doing the very thing from which I am almost completely removed because I am raising children. What's wrong with this picture?

Yes, childrearing is most likely for a short, short season in the scheme of things. But I don't want to spend years starting from scratch when my kids are grown and gone.

Motherhood=delayed gratification training.

hope

I keep up with some random people's xangas whom I have never met but who are often really encouraging to read. I just read this entry; here it is copied in it's entirety:

HOPE

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

Ephesians 4:14

Yup, that's it, the whole post was just one simple verse. This is fitting, given that I spent three hours at the hospital for Baby Girl (19 months old) on Saturday for a multi-day 104 degree fever. Turns out she had an infection and needed antibiotics. She's on the mend. Today, we spent a little over an hour there for My Boy (3.5 years old) to get the 3/4 inch gash on his face glued back together.

Neither one of those are exactly "My Fault" but as a mom I sure feel like it. (Especially that facial wound. Ouch.) Is there hope for me? :) I think so. God says so. It must be true.

websites

I was just recommended this website: McGruff.org

I totally remember McGruff and he's come into the information age. Printable "safety" stuff, quizzes, downloadable blippityblops (sorry, can't think of a better thing to call it ~ it's not a widget, is it? ~ it is almost midnight) anyway...... Not sure I'm into the downloadable thingys but the rest of the site might be helpful. I'm already trying to think of how to explain the difference between politeness, friendliness, and disdain for strangers to my 3.5 year old. Ugh. Maybe this site will help. Let me know what you think.